F--k off Doormat
Sick of unwanted people knocking on your door?! Well hopefully now they won’t bother knocking and will get the message from your F--- off doormat.
This product is no longer in stock
Warning: Last items in stock!
Apologies in advance, but life is too short to spend it with idiots! Designed for those with a very dry sense of humour. Great novelty gift for him or her on their birthday.
Explicit content. Suitable for +18 Doormat.
Scare off unwanted guests
For Private use only
Outdoor * Indoor
We send products Internationally with DHL. Large heavy items and large multiple orders will need a quote for shipping first and 'may' need our wooden crate service at extra cost. Please contact us before you buy our products for International orders to get a correct shipping quote to your country, if you purchase furniture or multiple products first before contacting us for a quote, extra fees will be added to your order, it's always worth contacting us first to save time. We cannot insure furniture orders without our wooden crate service. We can send furniture boxed but this is at your own risk and we are not liable for any damages in transit.
Smithers Furniture is manufactured in India and Indonesia, Italy we have a steady flow of furniture that's constantly being made then sent to us on containers every 2 months so we have stock, but sometimes depending on when you ordered you might have to wait a few weeks for your furniture. The average wait time is 6 - 22 weeks. If you want to know the exact DOA then please do contact Smithers here.
Free shipping Over £500 'UK Parcels Only'
All order postage are charged per one address. Please contact us if you need a product urgently and we will do what we can to help. Once we have received your order we will email you within 4 - days from the order date to confirm that we have the item in stock and to give you an approximate delivery date. Furniture orders are usually delivered within 14 - 28 working days, smaller items are delivered 3-7 days, however, sometimes there is a delay which we will notify you immediately after the order. Furniture orders are delivered by our couriers who will call you to arrange a ETA 4 hour delivery time. Cornwall and Devon and Scotland, Ireland are subject to additional cost of postage as they are out of our delivery zone. Furniture deliveries are delivered to the ground floor only, those wanting the item moved above ground, this is possible to arrange but will cost extra, please email us for a price. For customers wanting white-glove service, this is an optional extra cost.
'If the item is not in stock then we will let you know when it will be back in stock so that you have the opportunity to choose between canceling your order or waiting for it'
Customers wanting parcels left with next door or left on premises without signing for is at your own risk, and we won't be held responsible for loss or damage. Please check the size of our furniture first before you make the order with us to make sure it does fit through your door, if items do not fit we are not liable to reimburse the delivery cost, the customer will be responsible for the outward journey and return postage fee, this will be deducted from the sale.
'Please note UK Free Shipping For over £500, but this does not include fragile items'
The UK Check Goods
Please check the goods on arrival for damage. All small home decor parcels are also fully insured. Please report damage within 48 hours from the signature date, time or the claim will not stand and we will not be liable.
USA & Europe Check Goods.
Please check the goods on arrival for damage. All small home decor parcels are also fully insured, Please report damage within 48 hours from signature day, time, or the claim will not stand and we will not be liable.
The USA and International are VAT free on all products.
All International Orders import Tax will be added to your product from your Countries Customs, please be aware of the added tax on the product when you receive it. approx 20% 'If you don't except the COD taxes we are not liable for the goods and shipping cost to us and will not refund the amount to you. Final sale No Returns.
UK Delivery Check goods on arrival, Once goods are accepted from the carrier signed or not signed for no responsibility can be taken by Smithers of Stamford for any loss or damage. We do not offer white glove service at the moment. If you're unsure and want to send back to us! No Quibble, No Bother, refunds will be made within 7- 10 working days.
The USA And International Returns and Exchanges.
" Returns for international orders" At the customer's cost of the return, we are not liable for return postage.
Returns and Exchanges UK & International
We hope you are happy with your item but we understand that sometimes you will want to return an item to us, as you might have changed your mind this is fine as Smithers of Stamford do offer a guarantee of No quibble.
Contact us within 7 of accepting goods and we will exchange or give you a refund, Goods must be unused in perfect condition and no damage to products including original box and remain in a saleable condition, it is your responsibility to pack goods the same as they arrived too you in perfect condition. We do not refund your original postage cost if you want to return to us, this is fine but it is your responsibility to send back to us with a courier of your choice, please send back to us protected as the product came in to avoid damages within 14 days of your original delivery date after this time has passed goods will not be accepted. We are unable to refund the return postage by you, If you want to return, you must give notice by emailing us within 7 days giving of receiving the product. If the item is damaged on return to us this will be the customer's responsibility to claim from your insurance not us Smithers of Stamford, we are not liable and will not refund your original payment. 'Please make sure it's shipped with a reputable delivery company' Please note made to or email us to arrange return.
Please email us at Team@smithersofstamford.com. Refunds will be processed within 7 days of receiving the goods back to Smithers. The Refund will be made to your original payment method.
We do our best to ensure that our products are wrapped to protect your products. Products are checked and photos are taken before it's shipped to you. Sometimes we do have to rely on third-party couriers to deliver our goods to you, sometimes things can go wrong, it can happen from time to time but not very often as we do pride ourselves on using the best couriers. Please open the parcel on delivery to check your product over, If you receive damaged goods from us, accept our apologies for any inconvenience made to you. Please report damage for Uk within '48 hours' after delivery has taken place. International delivery terms 72 hours. If reported over this date and time we are not liable for damages. Small packages are sent with DHL or DPD please email us immediately with your order number and clear photo of the damage within 48 hours after delivery for the UK and 72 hours for International.
Furniture warranty 12 months from the purchase date, this does not include damages through wear and tear or warping due to heat from windows and radiators.
Gifts Warranty is 6 Months from the purchase date.
Lifting Warranty is 6 months from purchase date.
Lighting Warranty 60 days from the purchase date.
Delivery service for all parts of the UK including London, Manchester, Liverpool, Harrogate, Cambridge, Oxford, Leeds, Brighton, Bournemouth, Birmingham, Bath, Devon, and Cornwall.
We hope you are happy with your product, but we understand that sometimes you might change your mind. Returns are not a problem at Smithers....as long as you follow our terms.
REFUNDS BEFORE DELIVERY 'UK ONLY'
If you wish to cancel your order once its been placed and require a refund, you have 14 days to do so from the day you made the transaction.
REFUNDS AFTER DELIVERY 'UK ONLY'
In order to receive a refund once you have received your item, the customer must contact us by email within '30 DAYS' of receiving their order. Any email return requests received after 30 days will be declined.
Returns must then be sent back to us within 30 days. The product must be sent back in its [original box] and in a re-sellable condition - exactly as it arrived with you and unused in perfect condition. If you don't have the original box, then we cannot process a refund.
The return postage fee is also at the customer's cost. It is the customer's responsibility to return the item with a reputable parcel provider and to gain proof of postage, or we can arrange collection at cost.
PLEASE NOTE - as previously stated, all items must be sent back with the original box or a refund cannot be issued.
PLEASE NOTE - IF THE INTERNATIONAL RECIPIENT REFUSES DELIVERY OF THE SHIPMENT, AFTER 3 ATTEMPTS TO YOUR ADDRESS, THE PARCEL WILL BE DESTROYED By DHL. IN THESE CASES, SMITHERS OF STAMFORD ARE NOT LIABLE FOR THE GOODS OR RETURN SHIPPING COSTS. WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE AND WILL NOT REFUND IF YOU DO NOT ACCEPT YOUR DELIVERY.
Smithers of Stamford Ltd, 6-8 Broad Street, Stamford, Lincs PE9 1PG United Kingdom. Tel 01780 435060
Orders returned to us within the correct time frame of 30 days are subject to either a refund, credit note or exchange.
Please check goods on arrival for damage. Please report damage within 48 HOURS from the signature date, after this date the claim will not stand, Smithers of Stamford will not be liable.
How long does a refund take? Refunds take 7-10 working days to process from the day we receive the item back.
Made To Order items
Custom commission orders cannot be canceled after payment.
Please read all these terms and conditions.
As we can accept your order and make a legally enforceable agreement without further reference to you, you must read these terms and conditions to make sure that they contain all that you want and nothing that you are not happy with. If you are not sure about anything, just phone us on 01780 435060.
These Terms and Conditions will apply to the purchase of the goods advertised on our website by you (the Customer or you). We are Smithers of Stamford Limited whose trading name is Smithers of Stamford a company registered in England and Wales under number 9023413 whose registered office is at 6-8 Broad Street Stamford Lincolnshire PE91PG with email address Team@smithersofstamford.com; telephone number 01780 435060 (the Supplier or us or we).
These are the terms on which we sell all Goods to you. By ordering any of the Goods, you agree to be bound by these Terms and Conditions. By ordering any of the Services, you agree to be bound by these Terms and Conditions. You can only purchase the Goods from the Website if you are eligible to enter into a contract and are at least 18 years old.
Consumer means an individual acting for purposes which are wholly or mainly outside his or her trade, business, craft, or profession.
Contract means the legally-binding agreement between you and us for the supply of goods once orders are made you can cancel the order on the day item was bought only. Anytime after that orders can not be canceled. So please make sure you really want the product before you click the buy button as there is no turning back with our terms, sorry.
Delivery Location means the Supplier's premises or other location where the Goods are to be supplied, as set out in the Order;
Durable Medium means paper or email, or any other medium that allows information to be addressed personally to the recipient, enables the recipient to store the information in a way accessible for future reference for a period that is long enough for the purposes of the information, and allows the unchanged reproduction of the information stored;
Goods means the goods that we supply to you of the number and description as set out in the Order;
Order means the Customer's order for the Goods from the Supplier as submitted following the step by step process set out on the Website;
Website means our website www.smithersofstamford.com on which the Goods are advertised.
11. The description of the Goods is as set out on our website, catalogs, brochures or another form of advertisement.
In the case of any Goods made to your special requirements, it is your responsibility to ensure that any information or specification you provide is accurate.
All Goods which appear on the Website are subject to availability.
We can make changes to the Goods which are necessary to comply with any applicable law or safety requirement. We will notify you of these changes.
We may contact you by using e-mail or other electronic communication methods and by pre-paid post and you expressly agree to this.
Basis of Sale
The description of the Goods in our website does not constitute a contractual offer to sell the Goods. When an Order has been submitted on the Website, we can reject it for any reason, although we will try to tell you the reason without delay, which must be due to running out of stock or resources, a price or description mistake, inability to obtain your payment or other genuine and fair reason.
The Order process is set out on the Website. Each step allows you to check and amend any errors before submitting the Order. It is your responsibility to check that you have used the ordering process correctly.
A Contract will be formed for the Goods ordered only when you receive an email from us confirming the Order (Order Confirmation). You must ensure that the Order Confirmation is complete and accurate and inform us immediately of any errors. We are not responsible for any inaccuracies in the Order placed by you. By placing an Order you agree to us giving you confirmation of the Contract by means of an email with all information in it (ie the Order Confirmation). You will receive the Order Confirmation within a reasonable time after making the Contract, but in any event not later than the delivery of any Goods supplied under the Contract.
Any quotation is valid for a maximum period of 30 days from its date unless we expressly withdraw it at an earlier time.
No variation of the Contract, whether about description of the Goods, Fees or otherwise, can be made after it has been entered into unless the variation is agreed by the Customer and the Supplier in writing.
We intend that these Terms and Conditions apply only to a Contract entered into by you as a Consumer. If this is not the case, you must tell us, so that we can provide you with a different contract with terms which are more appropriate for you and which might, in some respects, be better for you, eg by giving you rights as a business.
Price and Payment
The price for each type of the Goods, the price of any Goods and any additional delivery or other charges is that set out on the Website at the date of the Order or such other price as we may agree in writing.
Uk and Europe Prices are including VAT. 24 A - USA and international we do not charge VAT on your products, this VAT amount is taken off when you add your country destination.
If you treat the Contract at an end, we will (in addition to other remedies) promptly return all payments made under the Contract.
If you were entitled to treat the Contract at an end, but do not do so, you are not prevented from canceling the Order for any Goods or rejecting Goods that have been delivered and, if you do this, we will (in addition to other remedies) without delay return all payments made under the Contract for any such canceled or rejected Goods.
If any Goods form a commercial unit (a unit is a commercial unit if the division of the unit would materially impair the value of the goods or the character of the unit) you cannot cancel or reject the Order for some of those Goods without also canceling or rejecting the Order for the rest of them.
We do deliver to addresses outside England and Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland, the Isle of Man, and Channels Islands. If, however, we accept an Order for delivery outside that area, you will need to pay import duties or other taxes, as we Smithers of Stamford will not pay them and are not liable.
You agree we may deliver the Goods in installments if we suffer a shortage of stock or other genuine and fair reason, subject to the above provisions and provided you are not liable for extra charges.
If you or your nominee fail, through no fault of ours, to take delivery of the Goods at the Delivery Location, we may charge the reasonable costs of storing and redelivering them.
The Goods will become your responsibility from the completion of delivery or Customer collection. You must, if reasonably practicable, examine the Goods before accepting them.
Risk and Title
The items we deliver in the UK are sent with pallet service for large items fully insured. Small items are sent with DPD. International and USA small items non-furniture is fully insured, furniture is only insured with our wooded crate service. This is an optional extra.
You do not own the Goods until we have received payment in full. If full payment is overdue or a step occurs towards your bankruptcy, we can choose, by notice to cancel any delivery and end any right to use the Goods still owned by you, in which case you must return them or allow us to collect them.
Conformity and Guarantee
37. We have a legal duty to supply the Goods in conformity with the Contract, and will not have conformed if it does not meet the following obligation.
38. Upon delivery, the Goods will:
Upon delivery, the Goods will:
be of satisfactory quality;
be reasonably fit for any particular purpose for which you buy the Goods which, before the Contract is made, you made known to us, expressly or by implication, regardless of whether that is a purpose for which goods of that type are usually supplied (unless you do not actually rely, or it is unreasonable for you to rely, on our skill and judgment) and be fit for any purpose held out by us or set out in the Contract; and
conform to their description.
It is not a failure to conform if the failure has its origin in your materials.
We will immediately, or within a reasonable time, give you the benefit of the free guarantee given by the manufacturer of the Goods. Details of the guarantee, including the name and address of the manufacturer, the duration and territorial scope of the guarantee, are set out smithers of Stamford products are under warranty for 3 months, so you can buy with no quibble no problem. This guarantee will take effect at the time the Goods are delivered, and will not reduce your legal rights.
Successors and our sub-contractors
41. Either party can transfer the benefit of this Contract to someone else, and will remain liable to the other for its obligations under the Contract. The Supplier will be liable for the acts of any sub-contractors who it chooses to help perform its duties.
Circumstances beyond the control of either party
42. In the event of any failure by a party because of something beyond its reasonable control:
the party will advise the other properly as soon as reasonably practicable; and
the party's obligations will be extended so far as is reasonable, provided that that party will act reasonably, and the party will not be liable for any failure which it could not reasonably avoid, but this will not affect the Customer's above rights relating to delivery.
43. The Supplier does not exclude liability for: (i) any fraudulent act or omission; or (ii) for death or personal injury caused by negligence or breach of the Supplier's other legal obligations. Subject to this, the Supplier is not liable for (i) loss which was not reasonably foreseeable to both parties at the time when the Contract was made, or (ii) loss (eg loss of profit) to the Customer's business, trade, craft or profession which would not be suffered by a Consumer - because the Supplier believes the Customer is not buying the Goods wholly or mainly for its business, trade, craft or profession.
Governing law, jurisdiction and complaints
The Contract (including any non-contractual matters) is governed by the law of England and Wales.
Disputes can be submitted to the jurisdiction of the courts of England and Wales or, where the Customer lives in Scotland or Northern Ireland, in the courts of respectively Scotland or Northern Ireland.
We try to avoid any dispute, so we deal with complaints in the following way: We will respond with an appropriate solution within 3 days.
Withdrawal, returns, and cancellation
You can withdraw the Order by telling us before the Contract is made if you simply wish to change your mind and without giving us a reason, and without incurring any liability.
You can cancel the Contract if within the 14-days canceling time frame (the Returns Right) by telling us no later than 30 days . If you simply wish to change your mind and without giving us a reason, and without liability, except in that case, you must return to any of our business premises the Goods in undamaged condition at your expense and still in the original box it came in. Then we must without delay refund to you the price for those Goods which have been paid. This does not affect your rights when the reason for the cancellation is any defective Goods. This Returns Right is different and separate from the Cancellation Rights bel. Made-to-order items, cannot be cancelled after 48 hours of ordering.
This is a distance contract (as defined
Subject as stated in these Terms and Conditions, you can cancel this contract on any day of the 30 days of order without giving any reason.
The cancellation period will expire after the same-day item was ordered, or a third party, other than the carrier indicated by you, acquires physical possession of the last of the Goods. To exercise the right to cancel, you must inform us of your decision to cancel this Contract by a clear statement setting out your decision (e.g. a letter sent by post, fax or email on the same day).
You can cancel orders 30 days after ordering, email us the order by email.
To meet the cancellation deadline, it is sufficient for you to send your communication concerning your exercise of the right to cancel before the cancellation period has expired.
Effects of cancellation in the cancellation period
55. Except as set out below, if you cancel this Contract within 30 days, we will reimburse you in full
Except after 30 days is up, a credit note will be given to use in our store if you cancel this Contract
received from you, including the costs of delivery (except for the supplementary costs arising if you chose a type of delivery other than the least expensive type of standard delivery offered by us).
Deduction for Goods supplied
We may make a deduction from the reimbursement for loss in value of any goods supplied, if the loss is the result of unnecessary handling by you (ie handling the Goods beyond what is necessary to establish the nature, characteristics and functioning of the Goods: eg it goes beyond the sort of handling that might be reasonably allowed in a shop). This is because you are liable for that loss and, if that deduction is not made, you must pay us the amount of that loss.
Timing of reimbursement
If we have not offered to collect the Goods, we will not make the reimbursement this is at customers' cost.
a. within 7 days after the day we receive back from you any Goods supplied or
b. (if earlier) 14 days after the day you provide evidence that you have sent back the Goods.
We will make the reimbursement using the same means of payment as you used for the initial transaction unless you have expressly agreed otherwise; in any event, you will not incur any fees as a result of the reimbursement.
If you have received Goods in connection with the Contract which you may want to return, you must send back the Goods or hand them over to us at 6- 8 Broad Street Stamford Lincolnshire PE91PG without delay and in any event not later than 30 days from the day on which you communicate to us your cancellation of this Contract. The deadline is met if you send back the goods before the period of 30 days has expired. You agree that you will have to bear the cost of returning the Goods.
For the purposes of these Cancellation Rights, these words have the following meanings:
Distance contract means a contract concluded between a trader and a consumer under an organised distance sales or service-provision scheme without the simultaneous physical presence of the trader and the consumer, with the exclusive use of one or more means of distance communication up to and including the time at which the contract is concluded;
Sales contract means a contract under which a trader transfers or agrees to transfer the ownership of goods to a consumer and the consumer pays or agrees to pay the price, including any contract that has both goods and services as its object.
Warranty 12 months
62. Your warranty - Our furniture is under warranty for 12 months for defects. Wear and Tear are not covered by any means. Wooden furniture has to be conditioned with oils to prevent woodworm and cracks. Please take the time to look at our furniture care page about looking after your furniture on the bottom of our site map page. Any fault's that occur within 3 months will be fixed at your address with our engineer first, if the fault can not be fixed then we will inspect the product, a refund or exchange will be made only on the 'condition that the product has not been misused' Please note significant use from wear and tear for contact use is not covered by Smithers of Stamford and does not have any warranty. All contract furniture items are listed in our shop and come with a guarantee. Gifts and lighting warranty is 6 Months.
63 International Shipping Insurance - 'Small items that are not furniture' - Check goods on arrival, if you have damage please contact us within 48 hours to report damage or loss. Send us the photos of damages, and also the photos of the original box showing were damage or loss is seen, we need the box to make the claim, and for a return journey. Please note if you don't keep the box insurance will not cover the claim. DHL only covers insurance if within this time frame of 48 hours from Signature time. If this is not done, we do not take responsibility for the damage or loss. Large furniture orders are only insured with our wooden crate service, all customers have the option of furniture being sent in a cardboard box but this is not insured and we are not liable, we will contact customers by email expressing our Concerns about sending in cardboard. We always state by email not to send without a wooden crate.
64. Customers wanting parcels left with next door or left on premises without signing for is at your own risk, and we won't be held responsible for any loss or damage.
65. The UK only Exchange and Refunds, Contact us within 30 days and we will exchange for another item or refund, minus our original shipping cost and return journey, Goods must be unused in perfect condition. (including original box and remain in a saleable condition, it is your responsibility to send back to us with courier of your choice. Address Smithers of Stamford. We are unable to refund the return postage by you. Please note sale items are nonrefundable and made to order items are nonrefundable.
66 Worldwide Shipping Damages - products are insured only on our wooden crate service, customers will get this option before we ship furniture abroad. Option 2 All cardboard boxed furniture will not have our insurance, if your furniture gets damaged in transit we are not liable. Small decor, gifts are all insured in our standard FedEx parcel service.
67 UK Shipping Damages Must be Reported in 72 hours, this is our terms of sale, please open your package on delivery. If reported after 72 hours Smithers of Stamford is not liable.
68 International shipping furniture - All customers please contact us first before you place the order, so we can get the correct shipping quote for your country. Smaller items will calculate at checkout.
69 Any credit or debit card fraud transactions that are filed from customers bank after a 30 day period from the original customers' purchase date. 'Smithers of Stamford Is not liable for loss of funds from the sale'
70 All International Orders import Tax will be added to your bill from your Countries Customs, please be aware of the added tax on the product when you receive it. Approx 20% 'If you don't except the COD taxes we are not liable for the goods, Smithers of Stamford will not refund the product amount to you or outward shipping cost! Smithers of Stamford is not liable. Final Sale-No Refund.
71 International Orders If the customer refuses delivery from us, we are not liable and NO refund will be given under any circumstances.
72 All Commission custom made to orders items are non-refundable
73 Furniture Warranty 12 months from the purchase date, this does not include damages through wear and tear, including warping from sunlight and heat.
75 Gifts Warranty 6 months from purchase date.
76 Lighting Warranty 6 months from purchase date.
77 Please note made to order ''custom'' items are non-refundable
78 Furniture Orders that are cancelled by customer while items are in transit, this is chargeable by us for shipping costs. Fee cost of £79.00 will be deducted from your original payment method. This is to cover the fee to carriers.
79 Returns must then be sent back to us within 30 days of our original outward delivery. The product must be sent back in it's [original box] and in a re-sellable condition - exactly as it arrived with you and unused in perfect condition. If you don't have the original box or any faults have occurred in return transit, or damage when you had the item in your possession we will 'NOT ' process a refund. Your item will be sent back to you with the refusal of your refund.
Smithers of Stamford Limited.
6-8 Broad Street
PE91PG United Kingdom.
Tel 01780 435060
Email address: Team@smithersofstamford.com
Why Buy From Smithers?
We are the best at what we do. 30-day no quibble returns The Smithers Brand is one you can trust.
Once you've placed your order, we will send you a confirmation email detailing delivery eta within 48 hours. Stock items are sent out the next day with DPD or Hermes. 'Furniture delivery takes maximum of 28 days if stock item'